Family Pictures: As Good as it's Gonna Get...

Day #2 of Tiny Tree Hugger's 12 Days of Christmas Photo Challenge was to take a family picture and make sure I'm in it.

This was no easy feat! For one thing, I generally dislike being in pictures. For another thing, it's not the easiest thing in the world to squish a baby, dog and two adults into a picture when you have very limited photography abilities!

All I can say is that I'm grateful for digital cameras and the delete function!

So, this is our family picture....I definitely don't love it, but I don't hate it either so that's something.

Songs for Sam

I've always loved songs for their lyrics, and when I was pregnant it seemed like suddenly almost every song, old and new, was somehow about that little life growing inside of me.

Songs that had previously made me think of other things were making me think of my baby instead. Songs that were meant to be romantic were reminding me of my unborn son. Sometimes it was only just a line or two that made me think of him. I would hear these songs on the radio, while driving in my car. And I would sing along with them, and cry tears of overwhelming love and joy and fear. Yes, I was that freak next to you at the stoplight belting it out like I was performing a live concert for an arena of people. Gotta love them hormones!

But even now those songs still remind me of my little guy, and they sit compiled in a playlist called "Bean" on my iTunes. Sometimes I put them on for him to hear while I sing along (I don't sing to him too loudly- wouldn't want to harm his hearing at such a young age!). Sometimes I just listen to them and reminisce about being pregnant, and about how much he has grown since he was born.

I'd like to burn these songs onto a CD, complete with a booklet of lyrics, for him to have one day. Of course, who knows if CDs will become obsolete by then, but I'm sure I can hold on to an old CD player for him to listen to when the time comes ;)

So here is my "Songs for Sam" playlist so far, with a little blurb about what the song means to me. I've also linked them to their videos on YouTube in case anyone is so inclined to listen to them :)

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble
This was the first song that made me think of my future baby, even before we ever started trying to get pregnant.  I'd always been a little bit on the fence about kids in general, but even then I knew that once that child came into our lives I'd love it like nothing I'd ever loved before.

Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes
This song was big during my pregnancy. Like every time I got in the car I would hear it, twice. And while most of the lyrics didn't relate, I always loved the lines 

"My heart's a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note..." 

because he is the only one who has ever heard my heart from the inside, and while I was pregnant my heart truly was beating for him- to keep him alive and growing.

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
This whole song speaks to me, I wouldn't even be able to pick out just one line if I tried.

Landslide - the Glee version (I know, I know, I'm such a loser)
I'm not totally sure what this song was actually about, but to me it was about growing up and leaving that place where everything in my life revolved around myself.

Never Gonna Be Alone - Nickleback (Yes, I realize this probably makes me a bigger loser than the Glee song)
A promise to Sam, that I will be here for him through thick and thin. And also a bit of regret about being on the fence for so long, and not bringing him into the world sooner so that I could have started my life with him earlier.

Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez
Haha, okay this song is totally cheesy and not at all meant to be from a mother to her infant son...but hey, I can't help it. It's catchy. And it does have the word "baby" in it. 

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz
This is such a powerful song to me. Every word resonates. It's my promise to Sam that not only will I be with him through thick and thin, but I am also committed to keeping my marriage and our family together. It also admits that I'm not perfect, but I will keep trying.

Never Quit Loving You - Jill Barber
Another promise to Sam, that my love is unconditional. And really, I believe our children are the only people in our lives to whom we can truly make the promise of unconditional love.

Sweet Child of Mine - Sheryl Crow
Pretty self-explanatory. I like the Sheryl Crow cover because she sings about a male child.

Home - Phillip Phillips
The world is such a crazy place in general, and toss in a baby who has to learn about it all...And a girl who suddenly has to be a mother to that baby. This is my promise to help Sam navigate life, and make this crazy world his home.

I still sing these songs out loud in the car, and I still cry a lot of the time while I'm doing it. And I'm adding new songs all the time. My  hope is that one day he will hear these songs, or read their lyrics, and really know just how much I love him.

What about you? Any songs that remind you of your children?

The Beginning of Letting Go...

Before Sam was born, I spent hours creating the perfect nursery for him. Some people will say that you don't need to spend that much time working on a nursery, because for the first few months the baby will not be spending much time in it. I knew that would  be true, because we had every intention of following the WHO recommendation to keep Sam in our room until he was 6 months old. And that's exactly what we did. But I'm still happy I put all that effort into it then, because there is no way I would have gotten it to where I wanted it had I waited until after he was born. And now that we're starting the transition over, it's ready for him. His own peaceful, happy little space.

I would have kept him in our room longer, and maybe if this transition doesn't go well he might end up back with us. But the issue I started having was that when we co-sleep (which is often) he has started using me as a human pacifier. He knows how to soothe himself, he does it every day for naps. But with me so close to him, it's so easy for him to reach over and cry and scream every time he wakes up until I nurse him. And it's so easy for me to, for lack of better terms, pop a boobie in his mouth so we can all get back to sleeping.

Co-sleeping used to be a wonderful and peaceful thing, guaranteed to help him sleep so we could all get the rest we need. Unfortunately now I've become an All You Can Eat Special at the All-Night Buffet. Where he used to sleep in longer stretches in our bed, he now wakes every hour or two. I feed on demand, and I don't have any intention of weaning him off all night feedings yet. However, it's now gotten to the point where I feel it's affecting the quality of his sleep- which is more important than my sleep.

Keeping him in the playpen/bassinet next to my bed is what I had intended to do for a little longer. But it was recently suggested to me that maybe my presence in the room is waking him more often, and he's not soothing himself back to sleep because he can see me there. So there it is...the incentives to start this transition.

Last night was the first night in his crib. He didn't fall asleep until around 12:30 (normal for him), and I brought him into bed with us when he woke up at 3 am for a feeding. I was so lonely without him in our room, I couldn't help it. My heart literally ached and my stomach hurt, thinking about him all alone in his crib in the room next to ours, that suddenly seemed so far away. Baby steps! But as the next 4 hours of sleep with him next to me turned fitful and restless, full of sporadic crying and night feedings, I remembered my original motivation for starting the transition, and so I'm ready to try again tonight. My goal is not to bring him into our bed until after 5 am this time.

I'm not ready to give up those morning smiles and cuddles just yet, so I still plan to bring him into bed in the mornings. But we both need to be getting better sleeps. And I think I need to start to let go just a little bit. 

It's nicer than our room!

Another New Diaper!

I finally have it in my possession! The diaper that pushed me over the edge and into the world of cloth diapering!

It's a Sweet Pea pocket diaper, in the new Argyle print! I bought it from Tiny Tree Huggers, an (almost) local cloth diaper/natural parenting store. I love love love it :)  Not only do I love the awesome print, but I also really love Sweet Pea diapers. They fit my little guy great, and so far we've never had any issues with leaks. I trust these diapers during nap times and when we're out and about. I'm so happy it's finally found its place in my collection!

Winter is Here :(

So I've decided to enter Tiny Tree Huggers 12 Days of Christmas Photo Challenge!

I'm not really great at following through, so I hope I can stick with it and actually do the whole challenge. As it is I'm off to a shaky start, as it's after 9 pm and I just remembered I have to post the first photo today before 11:59 pm.

So the first photo challenge is to take a picture of an outdoor winter scene...Well, inspired photographer I am not. Here is my picture:

I'll call it "Winter Is Here :("

This was taken from just outside my front door, which is about as far outside as I ever care to be in the winter. It had just snowed, and that's my white car camouflaged under 6 inches of it.

I prefer my white fluff to be in the form of cute cloth diapers, not cold, wet snow.

Diaper Mail!

I'm so behind on posting about my newest fluff! I've gotten three in the last couple days!

These super sweet dipes were waiting for me at the border, which my sister in law and brother in law so kindly picked up for me! My passport is actually expired, so these beauties would have been waiting for me for a while!

On the left we have a Happy Heinys one-size in a glow in the dark Skulls print. I'm pretty sure they don't make that print anymore, and it was pretty hard to find. I ordered it online from Diapers Etc, in the US, and then of course stumbled upon it on a Canadian website after the fact. Oh well! I was hoping I'd be as happy with the OS as I am with the sized diapers. So far it has not disappointed! Unfortunately I will probably not be using this diaper in my regular rotation, only because I want to keep it in as good condition as possible. We'll still use it, but not every day.

On the right we have a Rumparooz OS in the Preppy print. Another one that I had trouble finding in Canada, although it's a new print. I ordered it from The Green Nursery. I will likely not be using it too frequently either. We used this diaper during nap time today and I was very impressed! No leaks! The diaper comes with an insert and an extra soaker that snaps onto the insert. The soaker snaps on the insert in two different places, depending on whether you have a boy or girl which affects where you need the extra absorbancy. The diaper is quite bulky with the insert and soaker, but you can't complain about no leaking! And I  absolutely LOVE the colours in this diaper! They are very bright and vivid. There was more pink than I was expecting, but it's not overwhelming so this diaper remains gender neutral. I also love the multi-coloured snaps. This is easily one of my favourites, if not my very favourite, diaper print so far.

Below we have another Happy Heinys OS, in the Turquoise Ooga Booga print. Also another print that I don't think they're producing anymore. I did manage to find this one in Canada before I went and ordered it from the US. I would have preferred snaps, but they only had the velcro closure. I actually find velcro much easier to use, but it gets pilly and doesn't look very pretty after a while.

So now I'm just waiting for three more diapers...One that I will hopefully get my grubby little paws on tomorrow, and the other two that should arrive in the next few weeks. I'm pretty much banned from purchasing any more until the new year now...I hope I can resist!

Baby Led Weaning

I knew from the beginning that when it came time for little Beaner to start eating solids that I would be making his baby food. I got a Baby Bullet as a gift and I was so excited to use it- mainly because it has a smiley face!

But then I heard about this thing called Baby Led Weaning, where you actually skip the whole puree stage and move straight to finger foods.

I was simultaneously terrified and intrigued. Of course my first thought was "Won't he choke???", but it was also really neat to think that at only 6 months old he could possibly feed himself.

I started looking into it more, and ordered the Baby Led Weaning book by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett. I found some useful websites and forums, and of course I tapped into the infinite knowledge of the other mamas in my May Mommies group.

What really made sense to me about the whole thing is that when you breastfeed on demand you are trusting your baby to know what he needs and when he needs it. That is the concept that carries over to Baby Led Weaning (BLW). You are essentially trusting your baby's instincts, that he will be able to learn how to chew and how to swallow, and he will be able to choose what to eat and how much of it he needs.

When you spoon-feed your baby you are in control of what goes into him and how much of it he consumes. You have no real way of knowing if it's enough or too much. Also, it could be confusing- for example, pureed peas and pureed avocado would essentially look the same but taste completely different, so your baby never really knows what to expect or learns how to recognize different foods from the start. 

The other thing the book says is that when you spoon-feed, the baby learns how to swallow before he learns how to chew, and he doesn't learn how to manipulate the food around in his mouth. When you transition from purees to textures, and then to finger foods, this can make it more difficult because now suddenly the baby needs to know how to chew, which is a skill they haven't had a chance to develop.

Also, the book points out that unlike an adult, a baby's gag reflex is triggered before something reaches the back of his throat. This makes choking less likely because he will start to cough and move the food around in his mouth before the point of it being lodged in his throat, blocking his airway. Of course choking can happen, but it can also happen with purees. Regardless of how you feed your baby, you always have to be aware and be prepared for that situation.

The philosophy behind BLW is that "food before one is just for fun". So essentially this is about playing with food, learning how to chew and swallow, and eventually coming to the realization that food can stop those hungry feelings. Breast milk (or formula if formula fed) is still the main food source.

So eventually my feelings of intrigue became bigger than my fear of the Beaner choking.

Well, he turns 6 months on Thursday, but I couldn't wait any longer! His first food- Cucumber!

I can't say he loved it because he made some pretty hilarious faces that seemed to tell me he thought it was gross. But he kept sucking it and gumming it for a little while, until he got bored and decided his toys were a better choice. He did cough a bit at one point, and I tried hard to hide my fear. When they cough you aren't supposed to react (unless it's clear they need help). You should stay calm, model coughing for them so that they can learn and copy you, and do a sweep of their mouth with your finger if necessary. You shouldn't panic, or startle them by smacking them on the back. That kind of reaction can actually cause the opposite effect by interfering with their natural instinct and abilities and possibly cause the situation to become more serious.

All in all it was a successful first time! We got some cute pictures and video, and he seemed to at least enjoy exploring something new. I don't know what we'll try tomorrow- Maybe banana or apple? Or broccoli or asparagus? Either way, it's super exciting!

Wear ALL the Babies!!!

So, I wanted my first babywearing post to be full of references, facts, resources...But all that was just delaying me from writing about something that I truly love. Maybe in the future I'll write a more informational post, but tonight I think I'm just going to mostly write about how I feel.

Babywearing is exactly as it sounds, in case it's not something you're that familiar with- it's literally the act of wearing your baby.

It seems popular, and almost fashionable, to wear your baby now as it's becoming more common to see it happen in movies (The Hangover) or TV (Guys with Kids).

I don't remember exactly how I was introduced to babywearing. Maybe it was a good friend who loves it too. Maybe it was a picture of some celebrity wearing their baby. Or maybe it was while watching The Hangover.

Anyway, it was a concept I had heard of and it was something I was sure I wanted to do from the time I find out I was pregnant.

My friend kept offering to lend me her woven wrap, but I was very sure I wouldn't be able to learn how to tie the thing and it would end in disaster with the baby on the floor. So I was set on getting something with straps and buckles.

My first baby carrier was a Beco Gemini. About two or three weeks after my baby was born, I felt I was quickly going crazy. I couldn't do anything with free hands because he wanted to be held All. The. Time. Part of me was more than happy to oblige, but the other part of me was starting to feel quite overwhelmed and maybe even a little depressed. The transition to being a mom is hard as it is, and not being able to move freely around, or use both hands, makes it even harder.

So I forced myself to go out (leaving the house was also overwhelming) and I went to check out some carriers. I settled quickly on the Beco Gemini because of the many options for carrying the baby (front, back, side) and that it was supposed to be good for babies 7 lbs and up without needing an extra insert to keep a small baby stable.

As soon as I strapped my baby into that carrier it was like I could see the sun again. I was hands-free! I could type on the computer! I could eat a meal! I could do some cleaning! I could demonstrate jazz hands!
But something else amazing happened too. I genuinely loved it. I came for the convenience, and I stayed for the closeness. He snuggled in, and I could feel him breathing against me. And he loved it too, because he would fall asleep almost immediately. That carrier became a Godsend. I could get things done, and when he was cranky I would pop him in there and he'd fall asleep. Perfection.

My babywearing friend had also brought over her woven wrap to try. It sat on my dresser for a couple weeks, but I kept seeing pictures of other mamas on my May Mama facebook group wearing their babies in these wraps. Finally I decided I would give it a try. I watched some YouTube videos and attempted my first carry with the woven wrap.

I didn't do a great job, but it worked enough for me to fall even more madly in love with babywearing. There's just something about that piece of material wrapped around the both of us, hugging him so gently, yet firmly, close to me. No buckles, no straps. Just me, him, and a long piece of fabric. It felt more close, more warm, and more natural.

Oh my God, I LOVE wearing my baby!

I can wear him for hours, and he loves it too. He can see everything from up high. If he's tired he can lay his head on my chest and hear my beating heart while he sleeps. I can feel his little chest breathing in, breathing out. I can kiss his soft head, and drink in his baby smell.

They say that babies that are worn are happier and cry less. I have no comparison, but I do know we get told all the time how quiet and happy our baby is. Yes, he has his moments (hours?), but in general he is a happy baby so far.

They also say that babies that are worn feel more secure and confident. Again, I have no idea exactly how true this is, and at 6 months old he isn't quite at that "stranger danger" stage yet. But, he is very easy going so far. Calm in crowds when he's passed from stranger to stranger. Calm when he wakes up in a strange place. Calm when anyone holds him. He's only just begun exhibiting a preference for me, but so far only when he's very tired. I'm interested to see how his demeanor continues to develop. Will he still be happy, calm, confident and secure? Does wearing him help with this?

I think there are so many benefits to being close with your children, being affectionate, touchy-feely. It's validating and makes them feel loved. It strengthens your bond. But now I mostly wear him because I love it.
He doesn't need to be held all the time anymore. I can get things done while he naps. But when a few days go by and I realize I haven't worn him, I bring out that wrap and strap him to me. We go for walks and very rarely use a stroller. We go grocery shopping and he doesn't need to sit in the dirty metal cart or stay cramped in his car seat. I just love having him close to me, and it's so much easier than trying to push a stroller through narrow aisles, or lugging him around in his car seat. I can use the stairs while people with strollers have to search out ramps or elevators. I can easily walk through crowds. And I can do it all knowing that my baby is safe, and happy. He'll stay for hours in the wrap or carrier, happily switching between napping and observing. Which means I get more time to do the things I want to do without being stressed out by a crying baby.

It's something I knew I would do even before he was born. But it's not something I expected to reach so far into me and become such an important part of my emotional bond with him. I'm going to keep wearing him for as long as he'll tolerate it. And my heart will break a little the day he no longer does.

Time to Get Your Bake On!

I LOVE Pinterest!

Especially now, being on maternity leave. It gives me something to do while nursing, or when I can't sleep. Sure, there's always Facebook, but Pinterest is sometimes more useful and refreshing.

I love browsing the food category. Now that I actually have time to make dinner, or do the odd baking, it's so fun to browse pictures of food and plan our meals and snacks.

Pinterest recently led me to this recipe for Skinny Chocolate Banana Fudge Muffins off of Sally's Baking Addiction.

I made them on Wednesday night to serve at a "play-date" on Thursday (aka a few moms getting together to have a hen session while their babies stare at each other) and they were a hit!

They're about as healthy as you can get for a muffin- whole wheat flour, banana, applesauce, less than a cup of sugar, no butter or oil!  And the best part is that they don't taste healthy!. These will satisfy even the most intense chocolate cravings, and you'll only feel little to no guilt about it!

So please, do yourself a favour, follow the link AND BAKE THOSE MUFFINS!

Diaper Mail!

Yes, more diaper mail...This will stop soon, I promise! I just got really excited and ordered a lot in a short span of time, but that's coming to an end as Christmas is fast approaching and money needs to be spent on presents! I admit, there are 5 more diapers that will make their way into this house in the next few weeks, but then it's done until the new year. (Unless I get diapers for Christmas, which I'm really hoping I do!)

Anyway, these two Glow Bug diapers actually came yesterday, bought pre-owned off of a private seller:

On the left we have a skull print, on the right it's rockets! How cute!?

I have one other Glow Bug diaper, that was also pre-owned. I wasn't too impressed the first time I used it, because it leaked. But I think I have it figured out now, and was able to adjust the fit so that leaks don't happen anymore. I have enough faith in this diaper that I felt okay adding two more to my stash, and really who could resist those prints? Glow Bug comes out with super cute prints, but I think the problem with them is that when you buy them new you have to buy them as a whole set instead of individually.

Glow Bugs aren't my go-tos if I know nap time is around the corner, but otherwise I like them! I washed these last night so they're ready to go today. Can't wait!

Diaper Mail!

More diaper mail today!

These came in from For the Monster today:

 I think they might be going out of business, because pretty much everything seems to be on sale on their website and the selection is limited. This was a good deal though, because I paid used prices for these brand new diapers.

On the left we've got three medium Happy Heinys with velcro closures (Red, Navy & Lime green). Generally I dislike the look of velcro closure, and these sized Happy Heinys are no exception. I really really dislike the looks of these diapers. But, I bought one used through a local buy & sell a few weeks ago, and I fell in love with how easy it is to use. I ordered these with the intention that they'll be packed in the diaper bag when we go out, or if someone is babysitting. They're also daddy-friendly, so next time my husband says he doesn't know how to work the cloth diapers I'll point him in the direction of these Happy Heinys, because they are almost identical to disposables.

The diapers on the right are Sweet Pea OS (one size) in Apple Green and Indigo Blue. I have one other Sweet Pea in my stash, in the Penguin print. I really like the fit of these diapers, and I didn't want to keep using the Penguin print as often as I have been (trying to keep my prints in very good condition!), so I was happy to find these for just under $10 each! Plus they come with inserts, which is good.

I kind of wish now that I had gotten three Sweet Peas and two Happy Heinys instead though. I love the Happy Heinys for their ease of use, but since these are the sized style they'll probably only fit him for the next few months. Also, they don't come with inserts which is sucky.


 Next, these came in from Cozy Bums:

The Maple Leaf print is a Charlie Banana One Size. I've been dying for that print, but haven't seen it in stock anywhere until now. I'm a little concerned because the design is printed onto the diaper fabric and I'm scared of it peeling...So unfortunately it looks like this diaper will end up being only very gently used.

The orange and blue diaper is another Best Bottoms diaper cover. It's called Orange Sherbet. I love that they name the diaper colours after ice cream flavours! I've given my other Best Bottoms diaper a whirl a few times and I love it. I'm so excited to have another cover to choose from, plus I ordered two extra inserts with it. They recommend three inserts per diaper, but I've been spending too much lately so I only ordered the two. I only use these as going out diapers anyway, and usually only need to change the insert once in the time that we're gone, so it will all work out fine. I plan on stocking up on more covers and inserts in the future though.

I just want to add that I love the Cozy Bums online store. They have a good selection, and friendly customer service. Plus I love supporting Canadian retailers. I know I do hunt out good deals from US retailers, but I also support local/Canadian when I can! (And hey, I don't feel too guilty from buying from the US- I love our neighbours to the South!)

Grocery Shopping Pet Peeves

Seriously, what is wrong with people in grocery store parking lots?

I don't understand the impatient people who can't wait for me to finish putting my baby in the car seat, or clear out of the way, before they try to angrily maneuver their car in around me. Not only is this dangerous, but it's downright rude. I mean, can you really not wait the extra minute for me to get my child safely into, or out of, his car seat before you shove in with your vehicle? Or can't you just go find another stall if I'm not going fast enough for you?

And what the heck do they think they're doing when someone is simply walking by a stall, pushing a cart (and baby in my case), just trying to get into the store and they decide that they have to turn AROUND them to park somewhere instead of just waiting for them to clear the way? With winter here now, and all the slush and snow, heaven forbid someone slip as some jackass is pulling this little stunt and they end up running the person over.   

And not that this is dangerous, but while I'm on the subject of grocery store pet peeves, I will also mention the people who exit through the enter door. So flippin' annoying, especially when the person exiting out the wrong door has a gigantic cart, blocking the whole entrance and shoves their way through. If you're going to leave through the wrong door, the LEAST you can do is yield to the incoming traffic considering we are the ones using the proper door.

It's all good once I get in the store...I'm much too distracted by all the things to care much about what others are doing.

The Great Sleep Debate...and Why It Pisses Me Off

Is there a wrong way to put baby to bed? 

Yes, yes there is:

I bring this up because how a parent chooses to put their baby to bed is a hotly debated topic and it can draw some serious divisions between people.

So far in my experience there are generally two camps: 

Parents who choose to "sleep train" and parents who don't. 

Sleep training usually involves some form of letting your baby cry in order to teach the baby to soothe themself and sleep without having to be rocked/held/bounced/walked/driven around the neighborhood/hung upside-down, etc.

Parents who choose not to sleep train will likely either spend countless hours putting their baby to sleep in their own room/crib/bassinet, or they might bed-share. 

Babies who are naturally good sleepers generally wouldn't need any sort of sleep training.

Now, the problem with parents who sleep train, more specifically parents who let their babies cry it out (CIO), and parents who choose not to do any of the above, is that these choices become polarizing. You end up being on one side or the other, and each side is convinced that their way is the right way.

Of course, not every person feels the need to take sides or judge the other- but many do and frankly, it pisses me off.

Personally, at this point in time, I choose not to do any sleep training. That is my personal choice, that is the way I choose to parent. I also know that I may reach a breaking point in the future (because I'm fairly sure my baby is trying to break me) and I might need to re-evaluate my parenting strategy. But right now, while I'm on maternity leave with no other commitments other than my darling boy, I choose not to sleep train, not to CIO, and more often than not we choose to bed-share. 

There have been studies that have shown that letting your baby CIO can cause negative long-term effects. Basically, studies have found that when babies are in distress the cortisol hormone floods their system, and even after they have calmed down and are sleeping their cortisol levels will still be high. These high levels of cortisol are said to damage a baby's developing neurons and your child may show certain deficits as they get older. Along with the physical repercussions, people against CIO will also tell you that you will essentially destroy the relationship of trust that you work all day to build with your baby; your baby will not learn to self-soothe, it will only learn that you won't respond to it at night and so it will just give up; your baby will learn to shut down in the face of distress and will not thrive, or be able to handle stress as an adult. There's more, but you get the picture- if you let your baby CIO you will essentially break your baby.

As someone who does not choose to take this route, do I believe all these claims? Yes and no. Do I believe there may be long term effects on my baby? Possibly. Do I believe that babies who are left to CIO only learn that their parents won't respond to them at night so they give up trying? Yes. Do I believe you will destroy any trust your baby has in you? No. 

Obviously I believe that CIO has negative effects, otherwise I would have done it by now. But what I believe even more about CIO is that sometimes, for the sanity of the parent, it is necessary. And that even if there are negative effects to CIO, a parent is not going to ruin their child forever because of it. Their baby will still thrive. Their baby will still know that they love him. Their baby will still trust them. Their baby will grow up and one day learn to cope with stress. I believe all this because, considering that the CIO method is said to have been around since the 1800s, I'm pretty sure that there are a fair amount of people in this world who had to CIO as a baby. And they likely turned out to be decent people. Yes, we have a lot of screwed up people in this world, but I don't think we can trace society's problems back to CIO. And given how my parents raised me and what I know to be true of their level of tolerance for children's shenanigans and the fact that they were just teenagers when they had me, I would bet my paycheck that at some point in time I was left to CIO as well. And I think I turned out mostly good.

But the people in the CIO camp are just as bad. They believe that if you don't sleep train your baby, that your baby will never learn to soothe itself. Your baby will be too dependent on you, even as they grow older. You will never have your life back. You can kiss your sex life goodbye. You're doing a disservice to your baby because babies grow and develop while they sleep.

Do I believe any of that? No. I believe everyone eventually learns how to fall asleep. I know my baby is thriving and developing- I can tell because he's getting bigger and hitting his milestones, so obviously he's getting the sleep he needs. I will have my life back one day, and besides- I chose this life and I don't get to turn off my parenting switch at night. My baby is already gaining independence- I see it every day as he spends time playing by himself, and at nap time when I can put him down before he's completely asleep and he falls asleep on his own.

Anyway, I can go over my reasons for choosing not to sleep train at this point in another post. 

The real reason I'm writing this post is because I'm just so sick of the attitude of some of the people who are on either side of the fence.

Often there is a bit of hostility or defensiveness with parents who have chosen to let their child CIO. I get it, they're tired of defending their choice just like I'm tired of defending mine. They say things sarcastically like "I'm the mean mom who lets their baby cry" or "I can tell I'm harming my baby because she wakes up happy", and on and on. And then always the, "But I get to sleep 12 hours every night" said in the 'so I don't give a fuck' tone. It feels so high and mighty, as if they have unlocked all the secrets to a blissful parent-baby relationship, and that we mere mortals who choose a different way should be looked down upon with pity.

But the other side is just as bad. I've heard countless times from people who choose not to sleep train that they know they sound judgmental when talking to other moms. 

Why though? Why do we have to judge each other for this at all? It's a parenting choice, and we all have the right to make our own parenting choices. 

Sitting up with your sleepless baby, rocking, walking, nursing for hours is hard. It's hard when you're exhausted, which is all the time because you don't get enough sleep. But guess what?

Sleep training and hearing your baby CIO is also hard! I don't know from experience, but I've heard from those who have done it that it was one of the hardest things they ever had to do. And I believe it, because that is also one of the reasons why I haven't done it. 

They are both hard. They both have their disadvantages. They both have their advantages. Neither way is going to ruin your child or make your child into the best, most well-adjusted child that ever was. 

So that's it, my long rant. What bugs me most about the CIO v.s. no CIO debate isn't that I think one is right and other is wrong. What bugs me is that it puts a wall between us parents, especially us mothers. There is no right or wrong, unless of course you're shoving your baby in a drawer at night as per the above illustration.

What we need is support for each other, regardless of our decisions. We might have strong feelings about ways to raise our children, but (barring any physical, mental or emotional abuse) it's never our place to impose those feelings on others and judge others' choices. That's why we have our own children- so we can raise them any damn way we want. 

And really, what does it matter? If we don't screw them up this way, surely we will find other ways in their lifetimes to scar them forever. 

(Just a disclaimer- when I talk about CIO, I'm not talking about simply letting your baby cry for extended periods of time without checking in or making sure basic needs are met. There are many sleep training methods that use various degrees of letting your baby cry, in a structured way, with parents present to make sure all needs are met first and to continually reassure the baby during the process. I will blatantly say that to leave your baby to cry with no plan, structure or periods of checking-in to make sure everything is okay is just plain cruelty.)

Eat Your Veggies!

It's time to start incorporating more veggies into our meals. Neither of us are huge veggie fans, although I think I like them a little bit more than he does. We both enjoy them raw more than cooked, but even raw veggies don't make it into our meals.

It's time to start eating more vegetables because now we have a baby who will soon start to eat food, and we need to set a good example. Also, we will be doing Baby Led Weaning, a practice that skips purees and cereals and goes straight to finger foods when baby starts eating. Part of BLW is that he should generally be eating what we're eating, making it super important that we start adding more variety and nutrition to our meals!

This may seem silly to most people who probably already include veggies in their day-to-day lives, but I actually had to go searching for a recipe to make a side of vegetables that would be more interesting than a raw veggie tray.

I found a recipe for Oven Roasted Parmesan Cauliflower and it was great! Even my husband enjoyed it. We're going to try the same thing with broccoli this week, and I'm going to try to find some more recipes that make cooked vegetables look edible as well.

I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to eating more vegetables!

Dealin' and Stealin' - Mommy Style!

I discovered something while on maternity leave that has been both a blessing and a curse:

There are websites dedicated to offering parents daily deals on baby/toddler products for anywhere from 40 - 60% off of retail price!!!

It's awesome to find a great deal on some item that you would never have been able to bring yourself to actually spend full sticker price on. But it's awful at the same time, because you can easily end up buying things you don't necessarily need.

I'm addicted to visiting these websites. I look forward to the new deals every day, and it's actually become part of my morning routine.

Generally, our mornings look something like this: Wake up and change baby's diaper. Make coffee and put baby into the "Circle of Neglect" (a.k.a. exersaucer) beside computer chair. Proceed to visit five different websites in search of amazing deals. I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that it's easily one of the best parts of my day.

But it has been somewhat of a blessing because I've found some really useful stuff, and really good products that we now use all the time. Also, I'm actually pretty good at practicing some restraint and reserving my purchases for things I think we can really use. And thankfully a lot of the deals are things we wouldn't really use (at least not yet), so it's not always that tempting.

So if you're a parent, and you want to indulge in a little online therapy or simply add a little extra suspense and excitement to your day, check out these daily baby/toddler deal sites:

www.babysteals.com (new deal at 10 am and 10 pm every day)

www.babyhalfoff.com

www.mamabargains.com

www.greenbabybargains.com

www.babyheist.com



Disclaimer: I am not receiving anything in return for writing about these sites. Babysteals.com is the only site I have actually purchased goods from and can personally vouch for, although I visit all these sites every day.

Diaper Mail!

These came today!!!

Bumkins One Size Stuff-Its

I ordered these from Nicki's Diapers. I couldn't resist the prints, and they were on sale. For less than $10 each, I figured I have nothing to lose. I'm not sure about the quality...These are the same diapers, but I can see an obvious difference in their size/cut. I guess we'll find out how good they are when he wears them tomorrow!

 This came too!

AMP One Size Pocket Duo in Ooga Booga

I bought this one used, and I'm pretty excited because they don't produce this print anymore. Also, it's a good quality diaper made by a company started by a mom in my very own city! Although this was sent to me from someone in another province, it was made in Winnipeg :)  I have one other AMP diaper and it's definitely one of my favourites. They fit so well, are very trim for a cloth diaper, and we haven't had any leaks or issues at all.

Yay, can't wait to do diaper laundry tonight so that these bad boys are ready for tomorrow!

Can I Have an "A" for Effort...?

I've never really been the domestic type. I hate cooking, and I really hate cleaning. Laundry can bite me. Grocery shopping is okay because I get to spend money. I tell people I love to bake, but if I was really being honest I'd have to admit I actually just love the end result, not the process.

Before the baby I kept myself really busy. I worked full time. I was in school. Then I finished school and started volunteering. I worked seasonal jobs during Christmas, while still volunteering and working at my regular job. My husband was busy too, working full time and studying his butt off to obtain a financial designation.

So housework and cooking were always the last priorities. It worked for us because neither of us wanted to do that stuff anyway.

But now I'm on maternity leave, and it's come to that point where the baby is finally on a predictable schedule. He naps (they're short naps, but I'll take it!) and he's not feeding around the clock anymore. So this means that, unfortunately, I actually have time in the day to clean and cook. Thankfully, my husband doesn't expect much out of me other than making sure the baby is alive and taken care of (which I really appreciate because he understands that taking care of a baby all day is hard work), but when I look around the house I start to feel a little guilty and like I *should* be doing something other than staring at the computer while the baby is sleeping.

Also, I think knowing that it's not actually expected of me kind of makes me want to at least try this domestic thing. It's so much more relaxing to be in a clean house. And it's kind of nice to have supper ready for my husband when he comes home from work.

I'm still light years away from being some sort of Domestic Goddess, but at least I've been putting in an effort. I try to make a meal plan for the week (although sometimes this doesn't actually get done until Wednesday or Thursday). I drag the baby with me to do the grocery shopping. I try to spend at least 20 minutes a day cleaning up so that the mess doesn't pile up as much. I aim to prepare supper at least 3 days out of the 5.
And on a good day, when I've tidied the house, made supper, and put myself together, I feel incredibly accomplished. I hate to admit it, but I actually kind of, sort of, like being home and getting these things done.

Of course, there are still many days when I don't do as much as I feel that I should. Or I decide I'm not doing anything at all. I'm tired, the baby didn't sleep well the night before, or I just feel downright lazy. On those days, my husband comes home and supper isn't ready. The dishes are still in the sink. Toys are scattered around the house. The kitchen table looks like a paper bomb exploded. I just look at him and say, "I didn't make supper. I didn't do anything at all today." He just shrugs and says, "That's okay." And then I think I love him even more, and feel ready to get back on that domestic horse the next day....Well, maybe the day after that...

The Switch to Cloth Wipes...

So, while the switch to cloth diapers seemed like an excellent and totally manageable idea to me, for some reason switching to cloth wipes seemed a little too far over the edge. How would I keep the wipes moist? Would they clean up as good as disposables? How would I transport them? Just how much poop-laden items did I really want to be handling and washing?

When you change a disposable diaper and use disposable wipes, the wipes go into the disposable diaper, you roll it all up into a neat little package, and throw the whole thing out. But when you change a cloth diaper and you're using disposable wipes, you suddenly realize that the wipe has nowhere to go. So when your baby poops you are left with this wet, poop-smeared towelette that transfers poop to anything it might touch and looks really gross sitting there in your garbage. This wasn't really so terrible when I was at home because we have a separate plastic bag for diaper garbage, however going over to someone's house and trying to discreetly dispose of the wipes was kind of awkward.

I very quickly realized that cloth wipes really wouldn't be that big of deal, and decided that it would actually be easier to have a piece of reusable fabric that I could just toss into the dirty diaper bin.

At first I was just going to use baby washcloths, or cut up receiving blankets. But then one night as I was pouring over one of my new go-to informational blogs, Cloth Diaper Addiction, I stumbled on a post that gave Sweet Bobbins cloth wipes a super great review. I love Etsy and I love supporting the people who have enough talent to create wonderful things by hand. So I went to check out their shop and fell in love with their adorable, two-sided cloth wipes. One side is a super cute flannel print, and the other is a super soft layer of organic bamboo velour. I did some quick math, figured I'd use about 10 wipes a day, and decided to order 30 so that I could always have 10 on the go if I did laundry every two days. The shipping was fast, the seller was super friendly, and I just have to say these wipes are GREAT! One of these wipes easily does the work of four disposables when cleaning up those messy poops. And of course, I'm a sucker for all things cute!

Just a few of the super adorable prints!

The next thing I had to figure out was how to store them and how to keep them moist. I wanted something with a bit more cleaning power than regular water, and I didn't want to be running to the sink to wet a wipe every time I changed a diaper. So I saved the reusable dispenser from my disposable wipes, and I ordered a sample of Monkey Doodlez Wipe Cubes. The cube dissolves in two cups of water, and there's your wipe solution.

For even more convenience, I folded the cloth wipes in such a way that when I pulled one out of the dispenser another would poke out, just like disposable wipes or kleenex! Then I poured about a cup of the solution over the wipes, which was enough to moisten all 10 of them.

Folded so that they pull each other through the dispenser

In the dispenser - as convenient as disposables!

I'm loving this new system, and all I need now is a portable wipes container so I can bring these babies with me and ditch the disposables altogether!

Diaper Mail!

This came in the mail today!
 

I LOVE getting mail, especially when that mail is diapers or other various baby-related goods.

This is the Best Bottom cloth diaper I ordered from Nicki's Diapers a couple weeks ago, in the Blue Giraffe print.

I'll probably post another day outlining the differences between types of cloth diapers. For now, what's really important is that this diaper is stinkin' cute!  And it's more than just a pretty print- we used it all day and it was awesome. The inserts snap in, so instead of having to change the whole diaper I only had to change the inserts. I will definitely be ordering more in the future!

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem...

I have a problem. I tend to hyper-focus on things. Something will come along and grab my attention, and before I know it all I can think about is that something. All my energy, all my brainpower, and basically my heart and soul go into this one thing.

Near the end of my pregnancy, it was the nursery. I spent countless hours dutifully combing various blogs and pinning all my ideas onto my Pinterest Nursery board. At 8 months pregnant I painted an argyle pattern on one wall. At 9 months pregnant I stenciled a houndstooth pattern onto curtains. I had carpal tunnel so badly from the pregnancy that I couldn't feel my fingers on either hand, but it didn't stop me from attempting to put together (and almost destroying) the nursery dresser, and two shelving units.

I was so focused on the nursery that the thought of cloth diapering was merely a blip on the screen. An idea that seemed nice, but left as quickly as it came.

By the time the nursery was finished I was too exhausted from pregnancy to focus on anything in particular. Then the baby came and I was lost in the haze of new motherhood, feeling like I was walking underwater most of the time.

I had a brief, yet intense, love affair with baby legwarmers. But that cooled down a little after I ordered an abundance of them in an online shopping binge.

And then, someone in my May Mommy facebook group posted this:

Sweet Pea argyle print cloth diaper

From that moment on thoughts of cloth diapers danced in my head. A cute pattern will get me every time. I started to ask a few questions, do a little research, watch a few videos. It was a steep learning curve, but the slope was slippery, and in no time I was convinced that we had to do this. Coincidentally, and so very conveniently, I stumbled upon a local cloth diaper retailer (Tiny Tree Huggers, based out of Niverville, Manitoba) who just happened to be having a cloth diaper workshop within days of me making this decision in my mind. I convinced my husband to come, knowing that if he wasn't on board then this whole thing would be an uphill battle.  And surprisingly, he gave me the go-ahead.

I thought our transition out of disposables and into cloth would be gradual, but I was wrong. I stalked Kijiji and made my first purchase of three used cloth diapers (Fuzzi Bunz), then made a purchase of two more (Glow Bug and Baby Kanga) from a friend in my May Mommy facebook group. I had already bought two new diapers at the workshop (Apple Cheeks and Thirsties), and then took a trip to the AMP Diaper Store, a local producer and retailer, and purchased two more new diapers (AMP and Peachy Baby). Within days I had a stash of 9 cloth diapers, enough to get me through one day and a bit. And now, just a couple weeks later I have a total of 13, with another 14 on their way. Plus yesterday I started using cloth wipes.

I know it sounds excessive, but really I'm only going to have just over the suggested number of diapers to have if you only want to be doing diaper laundry every two or three days. And a lot of them are used. Plus, I'm saving us money in the long run. Plus it's better for the environment. And plus they're soooooo cute!!!!

Okay, okay, I might have a small problem. A mild obsession. But I can't help it....

I mean, I actually look forward to changing diapers. How many moms can say that? And I even kind of like doing diaper laundry.

And come on! Look how cute!!!

The One With all the Pregnancy Tests...

I have never had so much trouble believing something to be true as I did when I found out I was pregnant.

We started trying in August. September rolled around and my period came, a few days early. I didn't expect to get pregnant right away. I knew it could be months, or even years. Yet when that spotting showed up I felt a strange disappointment and I went into the bedroom with a pouty face to tell my husband that we weren't pregnant yet.

But this time my period was weird. I used to have a very predictable pattern: The first day or two was light spotting. Then the second or third day it was like a faucet that wouldn't turn off and I'd have to pop Midol all day just to hold that "I got hit by a truck" feeling at bay. Thankfully I would only endure one or two days of that, and then I'd feel human again. But my period would last for no less than 7 days.

This time day 4 of my period came and I realized it was already coming to an end. And that I never had that day of hell on day 2. I think deep down I knew right at that moment. So I called my mom for reassurance, and it was during this conversation she let me know that she was always able to get pregnant really easily. She said it was like she'd just think it, and bam- she'd be preggo. Now, I have no idea if this sort of thing is hereditary, but I was thinking that this would have been good information to have before we started trying.

So I bought a test. And I told my husband. And I called my best friend to let her know I was taking the test. And then I peed on the stick. And before I could even leave the bathroom to wait out the 2 minutes it was already showing that Big Fat Positive.

The emotional roller coaster I rode that night was insane. Then I woke up in the morning and disbelief set in. I had barely been tracking my periods! I didn't time our sexy times for when I knew I was ovulating! I really had no clue when I was ovulating! I knew there was only a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. This couldn't have happened so quickly.  I had to buy another test, "just to be sure". And sure enough I was still pregnant.

That weekend we were out of town staying with my best friend and her husband. It was a tortuous weekend with my stomach full of knots feeling anxious about being pregnant and at the same time still not really believing it could be true. Oh, and I had to watch everyone drink while I sat alone in my misery.

It was a 5 hour drive home during which I made my husband crazy with my incessant worrying. Am I REALLY pregnant? What if I lost the baby already? Until finally, an hour from home, I made him stop in a town so I could buy yet another pregnancy test. Actually, I bought a pack of two. Then I made him stop at a Tim Horton's so I could take the test in the washroom. Yes, it was completely insane. And yes, I knew it was insane. And no, I didn't care.  And for the third time, I was still pregnant. I never did end up taking the fourth test, although I did carry it around with me for a few months like a weird little plastic security blanket.

To quote J.D. Salinger (although I don't have a hot clue who that is)- "All mothers are slightly insane". And the day I took that third test I knew that to be true. I also realized that this was just the beginning of a long road of insanity where the further I traveled the crazier I'd probably get. But only 5 months in since the birth of my son and I also already know that every single step is worth it.

Becoming a Mom

For me, the decision to have a baby wasn't made out of some burning desire to procreate. To be completely honest, I didn't like kids. I hated holding babies. Messy faces grossed me out. I still don't know how to interact with children.

When I was younger I always assumed my maternal feelings would develop. I waited for my uterus to sigh at the sight of babies. I waited for that desire to start a family. Only it never happened.

In the early years of dating my husband, we talked about kids and we both said we wanted two. I said I wanted two kids because I assumed that as I got older I would want two kids. Don't most women want need babies? Time went on, and dating turned into living together. We bought a house. We became common law. We got a dog. We got married. And then I finally had to admit to myself that I was never going to feel that overwhelming desire to start a family. I was never going to feel 100% ready to make someone else besides myself the center of my universe. Talk of having just one child, or no childrem at all, turned into a huge fight with my husband. He was dead set on having two kids. But for me it wasn't that I couldn't imagine ever having kids, it was that I could just as easily imagine not having them.

But somewhere inside of me there must have been something telling me that having a baby was the right choice, even if I didn't really know it yet. And the clock was ticking. I didn't want to wait until I was in my 30s to start having kids, so as our 29th birthdays approached my husband and I decided we would start trying that year.

Basically I ran out of reasons to delay having kids and I knew it was time to shit or get off the pot. I was reluctant, I admit. But kind of excited too. Living a life that revolves around yourself can get a little boring.

And the moment I peed on that stick and got that Big Fat Positive, I was changed forever. I do admit that I went through a  feeling of what I can only describe as "Buyer's Remorse" after the initial high of finding out I was pregnant wore off. And looking back, I think it was just the fear of everything changing and the questions that flooded my mind about whether we were really ready, did we have enough money, would I ever get to sleep in again, how could I give up alcohol for a whole 9 months, etc...But in that instant I also knew I would never change it for the world and suddenly there was NOTHING I wanted more than that baby. It may have started out a little reluctantly, but at that moment I became a Mom.

Why I'm attempting to start another blog...

Roughly 14 months ago I peed on a stick and my whole world changed. And as it turns out, I have some opinions about this new world. I'm also having a bit of fun, and learning new things all the time. Also, my baby is a night owl and I've suddenly been hit with insomnia on top of that. I've never been good at following through with keeping blogs, but what better way to spend these sleepless nights than to give it another shot by rambling about my experiences in this journey of motherhood? :)

And I'm calling this blog 24/7 because, well- that's Motherhood!