The Beginning of Letting Go...

Before Sam was born, I spent hours creating the perfect nursery for him. Some people will say that you don't need to spend that much time working on a nursery, because for the first few months the baby will not be spending much time in it. I knew that would  be true, because we had every intention of following the WHO recommendation to keep Sam in our room until he was 6 months old. And that's exactly what we did. But I'm still happy I put all that effort into it then, because there is no way I would have gotten it to where I wanted it had I waited until after he was born. And now that we're starting the transition over, it's ready for him. His own peaceful, happy little space.

I would have kept him in our room longer, and maybe if this transition doesn't go well he might end up back with us. But the issue I started having was that when we co-sleep (which is often) he has started using me as a human pacifier. He knows how to soothe himself, he does it every day for naps. But with me so close to him, it's so easy for him to reach over and cry and scream every time he wakes up until I nurse him. And it's so easy for me to, for lack of better terms, pop a boobie in his mouth so we can all get back to sleeping.

Co-sleeping used to be a wonderful and peaceful thing, guaranteed to help him sleep so we could all get the rest we need. Unfortunately now I've become an All You Can Eat Special at the All-Night Buffet. Where he used to sleep in longer stretches in our bed, he now wakes every hour or two. I feed on demand, and I don't have any intention of weaning him off all night feedings yet. However, it's now gotten to the point where I feel it's affecting the quality of his sleep- which is more important than my sleep.

Keeping him in the playpen/bassinet next to my bed is what I had intended to do for a little longer. But it was recently suggested to me that maybe my presence in the room is waking him more often, and he's not soothing himself back to sleep because he can see me there. So there it is...the incentives to start this transition.

Last night was the first night in his crib. He didn't fall asleep until around 12:30 (normal for him), and I brought him into bed with us when he woke up at 3 am for a feeding. I was so lonely without him in our room, I couldn't help it. My heart literally ached and my stomach hurt, thinking about him all alone in his crib in the room next to ours, that suddenly seemed so far away. Baby steps! But as the next 4 hours of sleep with him next to me turned fitful and restless, full of sporadic crying and night feedings, I remembered my original motivation for starting the transition, and so I'm ready to try again tonight. My goal is not to bring him into our bed until after 5 am this time.

I'm not ready to give up those morning smiles and cuddles just yet, so I still plan to bring him into bed in the mornings. But we both need to be getting better sleeps. And I think I need to start to let go just a little bit. 

It's nicer than our room!